


wishbone

by closingdoors



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: F/F, Ficlet, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-02
Updated: 2019-08-02
Packaged: 2020-07-29 15:04:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20084191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/closingdoors/pseuds/closingdoors
Summary: "Vanessa had lived so much of her life without her sister. Now she has to live the rest of it without a dad because of her."Takes place after Friday 2nd August's episode.





	wishbone

Charity wants her to cry.

This, she thinks, is logical. 

But she just - can't.

So she lashes out instead.

"It's not her fault," Charity tries reasoning as they leave Tug Ghyll. "Babe. You know that." 

Her dad comes back to her in flashes. She blinks and there he is: holding Johnny for the first time. Again: grinning, her tenth birthday, a party hat on his head. Again: dead on a slab in the morgue.

"The boys," she gets out, fumbling for her phone.

"It's alright. They're being looked after." 

Vanessa feels her face crumple, but she still doesn't cry. 

She has to be pragmatic. She still has a _life. _That means sorting cover at the vets and making sure her sons are safe and telling Johnny his granddad's gone. How do you explain death to a three year old? 

Tracy doesn't have to worry about these things, of course. She gets to wallow in self-pity and stare into nothing all day. Vanessa has to accept the flowers and the condolences and start thinking about the funeral. _She's _the one that had to identify the body; the remains charred and waxy at the same time.

They stop in front of the pub door. Charity frowns are her. "Babe?"

"I can't," she gets out thickly. "I can't tell him." 

Charity ropes an arm around her shoulder, pulling her into an embrace, one hand settling in her hair. She presses a kiss against her temple and Vanessa sighs, leaning into the comfort.

"That's okay. He can have one more day, eh?" Charity murmurs. 

"I want - "

Vanessa stops, resting her forehead against Charity's shoulder. The rhythm of Charity's hand in her hair is so soothing she could fall asleep right here, standing up in the street, if not for the fact every time she closes her eyes she sees his face, so still and slack, all of the ash cleaned from his hair. 

"What do you want?" 

"I don't know," she sighs, finally pulling away and rubbing at her eyes. They're swollen and dry from the lack of sleep. "I can't - I can't _think._" 

Charity doesn't say anything. She simply reaches out and squeezes her hand with her own. This the only thing keeping her grounded. If it weren't for Charity's touch she's not sure that any of this would feel real at all.

The grief clogging in her chest is numb. But mostly there's just anger. Anger at her sister - the sister that stole her dad away. 

_He was mine first, _she thinks, and grits her teeth. _He was always mine first. _

Tracy was always just that at first: a reminder of the woman her dad left their family for. Her dad hadn't even thought to introduce them until they'd come face-to-face at his bedside a few years ago. Vanessa had lived so much of her life without her sister.

Now she has to live the rest of it without a dad because of her.

"Babe. Let's go inside. I'll make you a brew." 

The sunlight is so bright out here. Nature's in full bloom at the peak of summer; the birds are singing in the trees. The world is so bloody happy. She thinks she might be sick.

"No tea. I could do with something stronger."

Her fiancée shakes her head. "You know that won't help."

"I can't stand it, Charity," she confesses hoarsely. "Every time I close my eyes I - I _see _him. And now I know it was all because of her - "

"It's not Tracy's fault," Charity interrupts quietly.

"I don't know how I'm supposed to... how to carry on. He was my dad. I loved him so much. He's not here anymore and I don't - I don't know what to do." 

Most of the time he was a rubbish dad. But he was _hers._

Charity threads her fingers through her own. "You know, you can... you can let it out, babe. You're safe with me." 

Vanessa lets out a shaky breath. Charity's thumb strokes over the back of her hand. 

"I know. When I can I... I will."

"I'm here," Charity tells her softly.

Vanessa squeezes her hand three times. 

"I know."


End file.
